8 Comments

  1. Snailing-Along

    I, myself, have been having this problem. I am stuck, quite literally, with my non-believeing best friend, her mother, and my other friend. Since I live too far from school, my best friend’s mother takes all of us to school, so I am continually with them for about three hours since they don’t take me home right away. It’s hard to be around them with their blaspheming words, cursing, unrighteous music, and talking in general, but I am able to censor most of it out and ignore it by staying in my own little world with God.
    I’m trying to dedicate my life to God and Christ in its fullest, but it’s difficult with company like that. Lately, though, it has been getting better, since my best friend is starting to respond to my talk of God and His Word, so that is wonderful, but her mother is too stubborn to accept His Word since she’s “mad at Him”, and my other friend is a die-hard athiest and will hear none of it.
    I would like to thank you, though, because through your articles, I’ve been able to share part of the Lord’s Word to them slowly, through quiet subliminal messages (hopefully-that is what I’m trying ot accomplish), and I’ve at least gotten somewhere with my best friend and my other friend has cracked down to only “maybe not everything in the Bible is total sh**” (oh, how hard it is to be with that last girl, it hurts so much, but luckily I only see her about ten minutes a day, and I try not to begin conversations with her).
    So, in conclusion, I would like to thank you for allowing me to read your articles and share some of them with my two friends, it really has made my life easier in my way down the Lord’s path. :)

  2. Nick

    I agree with you Sai. This is a really hard thing to do when you feel like you can’t find ANYONE to fellowship with. There are a lot of people who will bring you down.

  3. My first time here, found your website today and am very glad. I think the Lord had me find it, for you write about topics that most Christians don’t write or talk about. This one on when to let go of a friend was very helpful to me, for I am a Christian who had to lovingly confront a couple Christians I’ve known for years, about sinning against me and others, yet they won’t admit their fault, nor repent! Their fault causes me pain when they try to heap “false” guilt on me, saying I sinned, when I know that I didn’t. They have very unusual interpretations of various scriptures, which they try to force upon others. I prayed about it, and felt I had to write them and tell them how they’re sinning against me. So far, not heard back from them. Your article helped affirm that I did the right thing. Thank you so much!

  4. saikit

    Thanks Donna. If you think its helpful to write out the entire story,you may do so here. I might be able to provide a fresh set of eyes and comments.

  5. Maj

    In terms of being controlled by others, I think I’m in this situation. I suffered from poor self esteem and passivity and so latched onto a group of people at university that I didn’t really have much in common with, perhaps partly because I didnt want to be alone.
    I’m not a big socialiser and I enjoy my own company a lot. During these years, I tried to rationalise our ‘friendship’, whilst at the same time was forced to socialise with them so that they wouldn’t become angry with me and abandon me. Many times they scolded me for not hanging out with them or replying to group messages, however much I tried to explain that I enjoyed solitude at times. They are not bad people per se, but I feel that I should be able to engage with people who I don’t sit in silence around because I’m uncomfortable as I have little in common with them.
    Thankfully, with the help of God, I’ve come to realise my worth, and that I have the confidence to be myself. I want to ‘let them go’ as close friends, not because they are horrible people but because engaging with them heightened my unworthiness, self hatred, insecurities and passive behaviour.

    How can I move on in love, without hurting them, or without them feeling that I’ve used them (I fear that I’ve unintentially done this). I don’t want to cut them off completely, but I fear this may be the outcome.

  6. saikit

    Hm… it sounds like you need to do the opposite in this situation. What about this alternative option: Go out to exercise your social muscles everyday until you exhaust or stress out, take a break and spend time with yourself or the nature for a bit, and then go out and meet people again.

    If you can only be yourself when alone, but you can’t be yourself when around other people who might be intimidating, there might be other reasons. For example, could it be they have high energy, athletic, outdoor interest… if what intimidated you actually are good things you currently feel too overwhelming, and if that force you to get out of your shell, that might ultimately be a good thing for you. See that as a mental work out.

    If I miss anything, let me know. Maybe you do have to find some people who are similar as you. But if this isn’t the case, then be careful you might develop social anxiety.

  7. Maj

    Thank you for your reply. I agree with what you said about putting in effort to socialise and meet new people. Even though I am quite introverted, I think I often used this as an excuse to not bother to speak to people when really I was fearful of being rejected.
    This turned into a cycle of fear, avoidance and passivity, finally ending up in a position where I was hiding behind a group of people; a group that I had become a part of without much effort on my part. After a while, I ended up feeling obliged to socialise with them and became scared to express myself or to go against them because I was afraid that they would disapprove of me.
    The situation escalated to where I became totally passive and obedient, and they in turn became rather controlling, scolding me for not doing things with them all the time.

    I have now made a vow not to give in to being passive and fearful, and I’m leaning on God all the way because this is something I’ve always struggled with.
    Hopefully, I can learn to be myself, and I may have to let go of those who can’t accept this, but in love. I know that it is my fault for putting myself in this position, but I’m so grateful that I’m not in bondage anymore.

    Thanks again for replying, I enjoy reading your posts very much!

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